~Star~

So it's been three long years...

2009-05-12T07:37:38Z

Okay so it hasn't been three long years, more like 8 months. I was reading my roomie's journal and it made me realize how much I miss writing in mine. Really ever since GreatestJournal went down I've barely looked at blogs. Even then, since I started college I grew out of my online journaling ways...but I want them back. I loved being able to unwind each day by writing what my adventures had been or being able to rant my heart out. I miss looking back at old entries and reminiscing or being ecstatic when I had comments on my entries.

To bad it's 3:30 in the morning. I'd love to type for hours, but I know that isn't wise when there are two days left of the semester and shit MUST get done.

All I'll going to say is I'm going to miss movie nights with chinese food and Nicky <3

Goodbye

2008-09-23T23:24:38Z

Mom you'll be missed and forever loved. I hope you're at peace and I wish you best on your new journey.

Love you always,
Amanda

argentumstar @ 2008-06-10T23:54:00

2008-06-11T03:56:51Z

YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT! >=[]

Ugh

2008-06-05T05:23:26Z

Hey kiddies!

Long time no write, I used to use GJ but now that it's kicked the bucket I'm not sure where I want to move too...ummm

I have no place to start, life's been pretty crazy.

-My only bother (or sibling) is graduating Friday from FHS...and I have to miss it because of my summer class =/
-I'm going to my cousin graduation tomorrow (or later today to be technical)
-I wish my life was more interesting..
-I'm poor, for the first time since I can remember I'm actually on a tight budget
-Gas is too expensive...$50 to fill my car each week is a little much, don't you think??
-My mom isn't getting better....and it's been starting to hit me a little harder
-My relationship status is a huge mess, which is completely my fault...::sigh::
-Working for 8 hours is a long time ~> and it's only going to get longer and more frequent
-I HATE bio and science...damn you smart people for finding all this shit and now forcing regular people to have to learn it!!!
-I have to get my car fixed because someone backed into it at work...gahh just another thing I have to do >=/
-I want to lose weight so badly, but my eating habits are hell
-I need an exercise partner to keep me motivated and give me company..the dogs just aren't cutting it
-I need to go to sleep because I have yet another long day ahead of me

More to come?

*Peace*
~Star

argentumstar @ 2007-12-31T20:06:00

2008-01-01T01:07:15Z

Another year gone and a new one upon us. 2008... Bring happiness, health, and wealth okay? =p

However, most important, bring adventure!!!

~Happy New Years~

~Star

Another post from the cruise

2007-12-23T16:48:21Z

December 8th
Day 7.

No way… There is absolutely no way that seven days have gone by! If I was on the regular one week cruise this would have been the last day. The difference an extra week makes!! Today we’re docked at Tenerife, Canary Island (owned by Spain) and I’m sitting on the up most deck of the ship staring out into the landscape of mountain pecks, thousands of colorful buildings, and clouds roaming the mountain tops. What a beautiful sight! Waking up with a different view each morning is spectacular, I’m not sure if I (or anyone) could ever get tired of this. I’m not sure what I’m enjoying more however…the view or the weather! No rain, no cold, and no SNOW! I sit outside everyday eating or just relaxing with a book, I’ll miss it so much when I’m forced back to Massachusetts where I’ll be stuck indoors for the next 3 to 4 months =( I haven’t had a chance to go sun bathe (with all the exploring on the island/countries), but as we heard further south and have sea days it’ll be a top priority! One of the best feelings in the world is the sun on your skin =D

Canary Island:
I wasn’t impressed with my first impression of the island, today’s overcast wasn’t helping either. Vovo, Ryan, Mom, and I didn’t have an excursions planed for today, so it was free reign as to what we did. I definitely knew that I wanted to travel around the island, so I patiently waited (or tried) for everyone to be ready. It only took about 3 hours (yay, >={)…

When the family finally was off the boat, Taxi after Taxi driver approached us about using their services which I didn’t mind, but I doubt my mom would have been more dense. She had repeatedly told us that she wanted to go see the volcano, which again was fine (although a slight irritating). And repeatedly (by EVERY driver) was told it was a 3 to 4 hour ride and Vovo had a Spa appointment at 2:30 giving us around 2 hours. But she insisted on talking to all 50 drives with the same request and then turn them down because it was to long. I got so fed up that on the last driver she was talking to I kept on walking with the intent of going off on my own (which is wicked dangerous). When my brother came running to catch up, the driver said in Spanish ‘just one moment!’.

Long story short we ended up going with Roberto (the driver) for a two-hour tour. He spoke limited English, but I was having a lot of fun trying to communicate between the two of us. He was a pretty chill guy, he stopped every now and then to allow for pictures and offered to take group photos of us. My impression of the island changed rather quickly. It had beautiful views and a great tropical environment. My favorite part would have to be the flowers, all different vivid colors and shapes. It blows my mind to think of anywhere having blooming flowers in December, it was stunning! Roberto took us to a hotel peninsula. It was lined with shops and restaurants of all different varieties. One hotel even had a black sand beach with a group of people surfing, I was wicked jealous lol. I would absolutely love to come back and spend more time at here. There is so much out there, it’s hard to notice sometimes, but it’s a HUGE world! I am going to travel after I get out of school. I want to see it all!!!

Time was short and we had to leave the hotel area rather quickly (I was disappointed and upset). Everything was so rushed because of everyone else, I really wanted to stay longer to explore and see. I guess it gives me more of a reason to come back. Roberto took us back to the ship and I said a tearful goodbye. We got to be amigos and it was dismal to leave knowing that we probably weren’t going to see each other again. But hey, anythings possible right?

After getting on the ship I chilled out in the room and then went for a quick lunch. Then it was off to go do ‘homework’ aka writing this. I’m right near the rock climbing wall and now that it’s open, I’ve been watching people go at it. Gabriele (my crew friend I met on the first day) is working, he’s a cool kid =p Ha ha it’s 12:16 at home, but I’ve got dinner in a few minutes at 5:30. I want to get a few pictures of the island from the boat before we leave, so I’ll end this soon. Today’s the last time I’m going to see land (well at least for 5 days), so I’ll have to burn the image into my head lol.

Peace v(^.^)V

Enjoy!

2007-12-22T04:01:28Z

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30575223&l=6b5fd&id=63603578

Entry I didn't get to post till now...a few more to come

2007-12-22T03:25:58Z

December 1st

Todays the day. Mom, Ryan, Vovo (my grandmother), and I are leaving Boston this afternoon for Paris and then to Spain. Yet, it feels like any other Saturday morning.. Once we hit the airport I’m sure it will seem more real, but thinking about the cruise makes me so excited. Two weeks in Europe where I don’t have to cook, clean, do dishes, have homework/test/classes, work a job, and best of all it won’t be 28 degrees over there =D Not much more I could ask for…

Plus we’re going to Portugal, where my mother’s and grandmother’s full heritage comes from. My grandmother came to the U.S. when she was 17 and hasn’t been back to the country since and my mother, who was born and raised in the states has never been there. It’s going to be great to watch them be able to see their ‘home’ country. It’s great for me too being half Portuguese, yay!

Here’s the itinerary

Flight from Boston > Paris > Barcelona, Spain

Dec 2: Leave Barcelona @ 5pm
Dec 3: Alicante, Spain
Dec 4: Gibraltar, United Kingdom (Africa)
Dec 5: Lisbon, Portugal
Dec 7: Maderia, Portugal
Dec 8: Tenerife, Canary Islands
Dec 9-13: Cruising across the ocean
Dec 14: St. Johns, Antigua
Dec 15 + 16: Cruising
Dec 17: Miami, Florida

Flight from Miami > Philadelphia > Boston

I packed soooo many clothes and I’m kind of worried that they may be to light for the weather. I’m just hoping for anything in the 60’s and 70’s, that would be perfect. Warmer weather would be even better, but as long it’s above 60…

So, it has been summer/spring with all the other cruises I’ve been on, so I always went to the beach (which were amazing). Now that it’s going to be fall/winter weather I have no idea what I should do on land. I don’t like spending a lot of money, so shopping really isn’t an ideal. And were only on at the country a few hours making it hard to tour the city. I should have done some research on the places…but I’ve been wicked busy for the past few weeks. Maybe I can look into them at the airport as we’re waiting, because there is no way I’m going to stay just on the ship for two weeks.

My professors were all understanding of the circumstances, I’m so glad. I’m doing well this semester (surprise, surprise) and I was afraid that going on the trip was going to ruin everything I’ve worked towards. I have a few papers I have to write on the ship and two tests that I’ll have to take when I get back, but other than that I’m done with my classes ^.^

Other things running through my mind
-missing my school friends (I get less than a week with them when I get back, then it’s winter break for a month)
-making sure I didn’t forget to pack anything
-hoping my roommate keeps the room in decent order (and doesn’t break/take anything of mine) and keeps the fish alive
-worried about meeting and befriending people on the ship, it’s so freakin hard finding people my age
-wondering what kind of people are going to be on the boat
-wishing that nothing goes on between me and another family member (no fights!)
-sad that this might be the last trip I take with my mom.. =(

While I was getting articles to use in my Writing 2 class I came across this and thought it was interesting =)

Why are the U.S. national colors red, white, and blue?
-When the Great Seal was approved in 1782, the secretary of the Continental Congress stated that the white signified purity and innocence, the red stood for hardiness and valor, and the blue for vigilance, perseverance, and justice.

Any thoughts on this?

~Star

argentumstar @ 2007-12-20T22:13:00

2007-12-21T03:51:02Z

What a crazy past few days! I got back home Monday around 11:30pm, finding my car buried in at least 3 feet of snow. Now that's what I call motivation to go back to school! So instead I spent the night at my house, without internet because it went down for no reason. Which lead me to having no idea what time my final was Tuesday, so I got up around 9 and made it to school for 10:20ish. Went to say hi to Ryan and Alex and found out that I was missing the final. Say la ve...

Spent the rest of day catching up on all the work I didn't do on the boat, I was wicked stressed but most of it got completed. I also checked in with all my teachers, e-mails all around! Went to dinner with Hang and Jason and caught up on the last two weeks. Then I was called to babysit, Amanda was sick and now I think I have something =\ (everyone was sick!). The whole day felt like a blur, like what kind of reality was I shoved into?! On top of being stressed, I was in total depression... I missed everything about the cruise and it really sucked being thrown into the last few days of the most stressful time of school. Not to mention my complete lack of motivation to do anything..

Wednesday I was up early around 9am after going to bed around 3am. It wasn't that I was forced up, I just couldn't sleep anymore. Got ready and started on my work. Said bye to Bowser and got a few anime series from him. When all the paper work was done, I went to three of my Professors to turn in the work. Went back to my dorm to find out that my roommate isn't going to be coming back next semester. She was in tears and I felt bad for her, but she brought it upon herself.. I spent some time on the internet, until it was time for Harry and I to hang out. We went over the Philosophy final and watched most of Minority Report. Headed over to dinner after and said goodbye. Later Marty came over to my room, it was great to see him =) We talked for hours and it made me so sad knowing that he wasn't going to come back next semester. We definitely need to keep in touch! Then I went to see Ochiltree for awhile before heading off to bed. I checked my e-mail and was ecstatic to see that Gabriel had sent a reply, really made my night ^.^

Today I was up at 9 again but didn't get out of bed until 10. Got ready and started my Pre-Prod study guide. Jason and I went to lunch and then headed over to his room for an hour or so. He gave me this adorable Kyo cat pillow for christmas, I love it!! Around 2pm I went to talk with my Pre-Prod teacher to go over the study guide and get my classwork back that I had turned in. Back to my room afterwards to do lots of cleaning and then pack. A few hours later I helped Jason pack-up his car and then he helped me with mine. We got out of the building right at 7pm, I always push it to the last seconds when it comes to moving out >.>; The roads were absolutely horrible, I can't believe it's snowed twice since I've come back! Made it to my house safely and I've been relaxing since.

I need to study for my World Music final tomorrow and then I'll finally be done, until I come back after break and take two finals. I'm wicked excited for break, I'm going to make it amazing! Once my ankle heals up, I'm going to be on the Mountain 24/7 ^o^

K, I'm out. Till the next time!
~Star

argentumstar @ 2007-12-19T01:12:00

2007-12-19T06:21:49Z

So I'm a complete idiot, what else is new.. The feelings running through my veins won't let go and I'm subject to their wrath. Sadness fills my heart and now the only escape is time.. It's going to be painful, but time will heal this bloody wound. Until then I will suffer and these veins will run cold, a perfect match for the snow.

As I dry the tears from these eye's, I question if it could be true. Is it better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all?

~Star

Been around a time or two

2007-11-25T06:52:34Z

Every time I come into LJ they have some new feature... -.- I still like GreatestJournal better, it's a rip off making people pay to have the best options. Oh well, it's a doggy-dog world out there right Nicole? I was looking back on some old comments and the memory entries I have stored. It's hard to believe how old some of this stuff is... Maybe it's harder to realize how old I am! 19... I've been thinking about it and omg we're turning 20!!! That's sooo old 0.o Or so I thought... Everyone still seems like a kid to me, even people in there twenties. So when do we become adults? For some kids in college it doesn't seem plausible...

I could never wait to grow up, but now I wish I could go back. Don't you miss the innocence of childhood? Before you learned how cruel and cold this world really is? Yea, I do...

~Star

argentumstar @ 2007-06-13T02:39:00

2007-06-13T06:42:38Z

Back from the dead?

I don't write in my journals anymore, which is sad =( I was so addicted to these in high school, maybe I got a life in college lol j/k

I feel like I don't have much to say, but come on...everyone has a story

I'll continue mine later though...it's bed time =p

~Star

argentumstar @ 2007-03-04T20:49:00

2007-03-05T01:49:42Z

Room Extravaganza is Tuesday. I have to pick where I want to live on campus for next year and I'm at a total loss. Most of all my friends are guys and I can't room with them (not sure I'd want to anyways lol), but I was a huge geek and just went around Russell Towers looking at possible rooms/towers/floors.

Criteria
-bathroom conditions
-how much of a walk it is to the entrance
-elevator access
-window scenery
-the volume/loudness of the hall
-availability of meeting others

I found around ten rooms that seemed reasonable so now all that's left is picking up a Housing Agreement paper at Campus Living and camping out Monday to Tuesday in the Quad. It kind of sucks...they open at 7:30am Tuesday for sign-ups but each year people have to stake out in the quad while waiting in line for the opening =| I have class at 9:30 and I can't miss it so maybe it I get in line for 7:00am I won't have to miss my class.

This week is going to be busy =\ But then it's off to Canada for a funfulled Spring Break =D Can't wait ^.^!!!!!

~Star

I've been dwelling in the past lately and it beens getting me down =( Can't I enjoy the present or is that to much to ask?

argentumstar @ 2006-09-06T13:11:00

2006-09-06T17:12:11Z

OMG we are making tea in my computer science class...Fitchburg is so getto =P

argentumstar @ 2006-08-27T18:57:00

2006-08-27T22:58:20Z

Okay I posted up my cruise pictures on facebook so I can share them with you guys. They don't have any explanations yet so check back later if you want to know who is who and what’s going on in the shot.

http://fsc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2005266&l=ee9b8&id=63603578

http://fsc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2005267&l=b8d83&id=63603578

http://fsc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2005271&l=409f5&id=63603578

http://fsc.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2005272&l=2d05f&id=63603578

Hopefully I'll be getting more photos from other people, if and when I do I'll reupdate the link here. Enjoy, and remember to check back in a few days for the photo details!

argentumstar @ 2006-08-14T01:03:00

2006-08-14T05:04:21Z

Back from my Dads. The dinner on his birthday went well; I glad to say it wasn't awkward. I even met a high school graduate friend and found out she was transferring to Fitchburg State College. I was really happy because she is an awesome person, one of those people who are popular from their charm, great character, and winning personality. Hopefully we can become closer in college =) At Dads I got to go water tubing on his brand new boat. It's a NICE boat and fishing being one of his few hobbies, he really appreciates it too. He taught Ryan and I how to drive it and we each took it around the lake a few times. It's hard to steer a boat!!! It was lots of fun, but my body is still aching X.x

Then today I had Ryan drive us home...which not only probably took a few years off my car but made my leg sore from pressing the pretend break in the passengers seat t_t; When we got to the house (in one piece thank god) I checked in with my mom and ran back out. This Saturday and Sunday were tax free days in Mass, so I wanted in! I stopped at the mall first and got a wireless mouse, an iPod case, and a cassette player. I was kind of mad I couldn't find my digital voice recorder though, that was practically the only reason I went. So then I went to Wal*Mart and bought random stuff for everyday needs, material for my friends presents, and this huge velvet body pillow for my dorm room. So ya, I'd say I got my money's worth. Oh man!!! There was a Subway in Walmart so I went to grab a bite to eat after shopping and the guy making my sandwich was gorgeous <3 Yes, I thought I'd share that with you all =D

But the fun doesn't end there. When I got back home I went on the computer to all my 'usuals' (GJ, LJ, Facebook, etc.) and I had an unexpected surprise on facebook. ::Backstory:: In 2000 I went to Australia with a group called People to People Student Ambassador Program. I was with 50+ kids and 4 adult chaperons and we explored Australia for almost a month. One of the fondest memories of my life. Well I got a message from a Jon saying:

Subject: do you remember me?
Message: My name is Jon M_____. I went to Australia in 2000 with a group called People to People and there was an Amanda G_____ on that trip to. I'm hoping you're the same one and I'm also hoping you'd like to be friends on facebook.

So that was completely random but very cool. And to top it all off he goes to Fitchburg State College!!! He's even a grade above me.

So all in all I'd give this day a two thumbs up :)

~Star

The Story of Friendship:
It can take a day to meet someone.
A week to know them.
A month to like them.
A year to love them.
A day to tell them goodbye.
A week to remember good times.
A month to try to move on.
A year to erase all memory of them.
An eternity to forget their presence.

Whether we want to admit it or not, friends can't be erased from our memory no matter how hard we try to forget them or how much we hate them. People aren't just suddenly erased so neither is the memory people have of them. Friendships never really ends because when you look back and see all the fun that you had with that person, spending your time with them was worth your while.

Ready To KILL

2006-07-20T19:03:27Z

OMG >>> OMFG!!!!!!!!! Are you fucking shitting me!!!! How DARE SHE, DARE!!!!

She fucking ditches me for 3 years, NO 4 YEARS and then I start dishing it right back and she FUCKING FREAKS! WHAT A BITCH, consider HER FEELINGS FUCK HER!!! Welcome to karma, so I let you down, what three times you can think of, well if it’s EVER going to be equal I’d ditch you for the rest of my fucking life. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY ANYTHING TO ME...NO RIGHT WHAT SO FUCKING EVER! SO DON’T PULL THIS SHIT ON ME...CAUSE HERES A FUCKING CLUE

I DON’T CARE

I’m not the fucking rebound girl, I WILL NEVER play that part. You left me a long time ago and I can’t find it in my heart to let you back in when you feel like it. So sorry, it’s not going to work out like that.

BYE

~Star

argentumstar @ 2006-07-19T23:29:00

2006-07-20T03:30:57Z

I'm back home and even though I was gone for three days everything seems exactly the way it was when I left. Nothing ever does change... ::sigh:: It was nice to spend time with my dad and to be away from the house. He made me work though... =\ I wrote and sent out "Thank Yous", ordered my labtop (MacBook Pro)/printer/iPod/care plan, called FSC for jobs, and other little things. I guess I need the push...being a procrastinator and all. I called like a thousand people about my B-day party too, I want this thing to be huge!!! The party of the year maybe? lol No, I just really want to have everyone I'm close with be all together before I head off to college. In a way it's a going off party too. I'm so excited, from what people are telling me almost everyone can make it!!!! This is going to be big ladies and gentlemen, BIG. ^^

*Breaking News* Attention all Fitchburg high alumni and students. Jeff Cayer was killed in action in Iraq: Mrs. Cayer's son and Alex's brother. Please spread the word to others and look in the newspaper for the details on wake/memorial service. *Breaking News*

My mom just came in and told me. I have a lot going through my mind, but I'd rather keep it there for now...

Tomorrows going to be a busy day and I might be getting a job =D yay for money! I'm going to throw this out there too:

Does anyone want to come to Boston with me Saturday for a free concert?

Okay I'll try and update more tomorrow.

Now for the much missed spam!!!

This is something that was given to me in my psychology 2 class this morning and I wanted to share it to you.

"To put TIME in perspective, ponder this:
to realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student
who failed a grade
to realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother
of a premature baby
to realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor
of a weekly newspaper
to realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers
who are waiting to meet
to realize the value of ONE MINTUE, ask the
person who missed the plane
to realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask the
person who just avoided an accident
to realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the
person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

The clock is running, make the most of today."

I hope this means something to each one of you.

~Star

RIP Jeff
Thank You For Serving Our Country

argentumstar @ 2006-07-16T22:16:00

2006-07-17T02:16:38Z

Close friends:

I'm having my birthday party on July 29th so keep the date open!!!! Spread the word too, all are welcome to this joyous celebration =P

~Star

argentumstar @ 2006-07-13T17:24:00

2006-07-13T21:22:13Z

I'm beyond a slacker...and I have no excuse

I dearly apologize for not updating practically the entire summer.

Start things off with humor?

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the
---- is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the ---- would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the ------- floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the ----?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever ------- does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumass?

This has to be one of my laziest summers ever, which while it's nice, doesn't give me a sense of satisfaction. I'm starting to feel almost trapped in this house, to the point where I'm feeling sick. I guess I'll always be someone that needs to be busy to have purpose in their lives...I'm doomed.

Pretty much all of July I've been sick, I finally went to the doctors on the 10th but I haven't heard back with the results. Have to call them today I guess. It's a bearable sickness, but things started to get unbearable on the 9th. When you’re so sick you wish you'd just die right then and there to end the pain. Thank god that only lasted for 3 days...I was so fucking sick; couldn't move, couldn't sit still, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything without the pain becoming horrendous. I ended up losing eight pounds after starving myself for the three days. If I had the choice, I'd rather go to hell than lose weight that way again. But that's all behind me now.

I've been reading a lot (not much else to do) and I think between the messages of the books and my delusional sickness I've come to a few revaluations. This is it. This is my life and it’s the one shot I get at it, use it without regrets. Religion is one of the most lethal things known to man. People are corrupt; it’s a much part of man as love, loneliness, and desire. I need to stop pushing people away. I’m ignorant. You will always envy others, while at the same time someone will always envy you. People always want more; it’s too hard for them to realize all the things they should be grateful for. Don’t take things for granted; even though you will. You may hate your siblings, but once in awhile they’ll surprise you with unconditional love. Music is a remedy. In the long run, age really doesn’t have much importance. Yea, I’m sure there were a few more but that’s some of them.

Things I’ve been up to:
-DL all the AMV’s from AnimeBoston AMV contest
-Went to FSC to settle LD accommodations, get parking permit, and revise my bill
-Made a facebook and am slightly addicted. It’s not a fun as GJ though.
-Got free clothes from some source my dad knows
-Talked to Mike yesterday, it’s been a while since we got in contract
-Been sick
-Went to SixFlags with Brittany, Jessica, Zack, Aunt Linda, Ann & Jason (cousins from CA, recently married), Billy, Angela, Christopher, Ryan, and Mom.
-Amar came to Fitchburg for the 1st time...and didn’t get shot! Yay! =P
-Got an e-mail from Christan. He says “hi” to everyone.
-Watched over Zack while my Aunt & Uncle were in Vegas. Vovo (grandmother) came up too.
-Looking into Laser Hair Removal
-Went to Boston for 4th of July fireworks with Brittany, only to leave the river with an hour before they started because my cousin’s friends have server ADHD.
-Partied at Brittany’s house after leaving the fireworks early. Sad to know 16 year olds have gone farther than me.
-Got a red Betta on my 18th B-day. I named him July and he shall be my dorm room pal.
-Turned 18 on July 2nd. The big plan was to go play bingo with my grandmother, but she was really sick so that didn’t work out. So went out to breakfast @ Bigfords with family, talked about everything I didn’t want to hear. Parents fought in the car ride. Saw Click and it made me insanely depressed. Then I picked out my fish companion. What a day!
-On the 1st went to Hampton Beach with Nicole R., Jacqui, Nicole S., and Robert. Lots of fun =)
-Had my graduation party. It was terrible.
-Went on a fishing trip with my dad in NH, his motor broke the second day X.x
-Beachweek = rainweek = fun

Things to look forward too:
-Being healthy
-Dorm information (roommate [who & how many] and building)
-Going out with friends (who need to stop leaving me for stupid vacation trips!)
-Birthday party
-Cruse at end of August
-College

Anyone give me a call sometime so we can hang!

~Star

P.s.

Happy 18th Birthday galena!

HELP

2006-05-17T22:56:08Z

I'm not sure if today was a good or bad day. I got to school on time, finished all my homework before the classes, a friend gave me two kiss concert tickets for free (she couldn't make the show), I ended up sleeping through two periods at the nurses office (and I was only had permission to be there for one class), mom found out about my missing work, missed the bus for the tennis game, got to go to anime club, had to miss video club to make up homework, and was bitched at by both my parents.

Defiantly an up and down day. I'm psyched about the tickets but I hope to god my parents will let me go, they’re not the happiest with me right now... I don't know what I should do... tell the truth about the concert or make up an alibi. I truly believe if I tell her the truth she's going to say "NO" before I even finish my sentence, not to mention there won't be any "Adult Supervision" Heaven forbid!!! Fuck. Guys I need your advice...what should I tell/ask her??? The truth or lie about where I’m going?

~Star

Deep Inside

2006-05-07T23:48:35Z

Hey everyone,

Sorry about MIA. Time seems to be slipping away from my grasp. I never would have thought that while I was in school, time could be moving so fast. It's the second week of May and I think I have 15/14 days of school left. Doesn't feel like it... Maybe that's why I'm not excited -_-

Looking back on my senior year I feel like I made the worst decisions of my life, and looking ahead it looks just as dismal. I had everything set academically. High GPA with an awesome class rank, and all the senior opportunities were mine for the grabbing. First college pick, NHS cords, Golden F, scholarships, and who knows maybe even general excellence. But I screwed myself royally and the funny thing is I have no idea why. I still can’t figure my own actions out. I can’t/won’t blame this on anyone else, it was my choice. But why? Why did I chose this path?

I’m sure that senior year wasn’t the start of my destructive course. It’s been slowly growing inside of me; I think this year I just to worn out to keep on fighting it. So I let it take over. I hated the fact I let it win... I went to last resorts. I eased up on my course load, went on medicine, and started counseling. Teachers even tried to help in the classroom, giving me a little leeway. It was a lost cause.

I am in its control and life’s become a span of time with nothing meaningful. No one can understand. My parents sure think I’m the scum of the earth now. No more meaningful conversations... All I ever here now... “Have you picked a college? Amanda you’re making bad decisions once again. An F Amanda, what the hell is wrong with you!? You changed Amanda, you’re not the girl I used to know. Why is your teacher telling me you haven’t been passing in your homework! I’ve been bending over backwards for you and this is your thanks! Why did you want to stay in that class, I can’t understand you. I want you out of my house, go leave with your father I don’t even want to look at you. You blew it, all these years of hard work and pain and you go and blow it all in your last year! I’m not paying for your college, not when you going to waste my money.” And that’s only the beginning. I hate being alone with them because I know the first thing coming out of their mouths and I am so sick of hearing it. And then they ask

why

and I look at them and I start feeling the hatred burning inside. I DON’T KNOW!!! I don’t know why I’m like this!!! Do you think I like this?! Do you think I enjoy failing classes and having you on my back all the time?! Do you think I LOVE the feeling of letting my teachers down after all they’ve done for me?! So when my parents wait for an answer I just stare back at. I tried explaining before but they can’t grasp it. They don’t want to, they just want results, fuck if I’m dying inside. “Just do the work Amanda!!” I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!!!!!!!!!!!!! It won’t let me....it won’t give me a chance...I’ve lost all control

So to say the least, this is the worst year in my entire school career, probably even out of my life. Everything I worked for - all the pain, sweat, time, and tears – is now out of reach. What scares me the most is as time goes on I care less and less. School, work, clubs, friends, family, my ambitions...I can shrug it all off. I’ve become someone who I despise. Someone who doesn’t care about failure. Someone with a total lack of purpose/motivation/drive/aim. Feeling uselessness and worthless, but still not being able to care. Nothings has importance anymore, even life is just living day to day.

My grades have dropped significantly, I haven’t hung out with friends much at all, I don’t enjoy participating in the things I used to, my parents have lost their trust in me, I only ever want to sleep, I look towards temporary fixes, and life itself has become futile.

_ _ _ _ save me.

Ha ha ha depressing entry, but it’s all been running through my head for months. I needed to explain myself. Express. I need to piece it together and have all my thoughts/emotions organized in front of me. It’s about time, that I took the time to write everything out. I wanted to let everyone know that while it is my choice, at the same time it’s really not. I’ve lost the power to be motivated and with no enthusiasm it’s nearly impossible to make the “right” choice. Because doing the “right” thing takes energy and I’m on empty.

I’d give anything to get my sprit back.

~Star

Tennis rules were made by a drunk

2006-03-30T03:28:12Z

I came home yesterday ready to update and found out that both the internet and TV were down (Thanks Comcast =\). My mom had to call for them to come and fix it but when we came home today it had fixed itself (I'm pretty sure thanks to my dad...) So yesterday I tried to play sick (didn't feel much like going to go school) but my mom didn't buy it ::sigh:: Went to school and for most of the periods sat around doing nothing because all the Sophomores are MCAS testing which knocks out 3 of my third floor classes. My first two periods were Calculus and English, but after them I did absolutely nothing. School never seemed so pointless. After school I had art club, Hang and I got into a fight (again!). I seriously don't know what’s going on between us, it's seems like we're pissed at each other everyday now. I'm just shrugging it off now, but I don't know for how much longer I can take this >=\ Left early from Art Club to go to tennis practice, played with these arrogant sophomores...being a senior I should kick their asses, but I'm not much of a pushover -_-; Gave Pooja a ride home and we ended up on the subject of JJ. Ha she hates him too! Yay ^_^ (wow I keep on naming all these people I hate, I'm really not someone that gets angry easily...these people just deserve it that much) After I went to Barns and Nobles to waste some time before my appointment, bought my brother a gift for no reason (aww I'm such a good sister). Went to counseling, talked mostly about Emerson. She gave me a few good pointers =D Came home and for supper we had artichoke and ham. It was my first time trying an artichoke, pretty good =) Went upstairs and finished watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and then I finished the last 15 or so pages of the book. Yay!!!! I thought it was going to take me to May to finish, but I read it in a month...so good lol I started on Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, now that might take me till May to finish =P

Today I woke up and felt like trying to stay home again, but I got ready anyways. I had restless dreams so I was pretty tired =\ Presented Hang and I's project of Hell in English and found out Hang didn't make it into Emerson either. The next four periods were a waste of my life (plus I got my cell phone confiscated >,<) and we had the third fire alarm of the month. It was a nice day out so I didn't mind too much (yay hello 60's!). Then last period I had Calculus which was terrible because I didn't have my homework done and she check it. We split into groups to go over the problems and I was so tired I basically feel asleep with my head bent down...my back was to the teacher so I hope she didn't notice... ha ..ha ..a After school was Anime Club and tennis. I also got my cell phone back, signed up for an overnight environmental conferences, and found out that Mr. Ambrose was the class advisor of a student who graduated Fitchburg High School, went to Emerson, and was now the part of their undergraduate admissions. ::my jaw hit the floor when I found out:: Mr. Ambrose said that he would call his ex-student to see why I hadn't made it into Emerson. Wow talk about connections and how things just happen... Then at tennis I was appointed Co-captain with Mary-kate, this is only my second year playing so I think the only reason I got it was because I was a Senior...it's still cool though ^_^ Came home and worked as a School Mod on GJ for three hours as I was board out of my mind.

Oh Monday I got my first eBay purchase in the mail =D Hot Gimmick 1, Fruits Basket 1,2, Kare Kano 1, Hellsing 1, and Rurouni Kenshin 1 all for thirty dollars (including shipping!!). eBay is <3 I also got to talk to Chris, Mike S., Mike W., Pooja, and Jacqui online. It was my first time on AIM in the past 3 months X.x That was fun ^^

Wow long update, I bet most of you just skim over it, that’s cool though =P

~Star

argentumstar @ 2006-03-27T21:03:00

2006-03-28T02:04:17Z

It's been an up and down day, but I think not being accepted into Emerson made anything good not so important. I'm in shock, I don't think it's set in yet...my dream school is out of my reach. All my hard work...all seems so pointless now. 14 years of my life, all that dedication, all that time, all that agony and it never paid off. Everything I was working for, and it's gone, just like that. What a fucking joke, I hate it...hate everything I am. I feel worthless, that anything I ever did was for absolutely nothing. It's a great feeling...

A little depressing, ya sorry about that. I'm running on two hours of sleep and with the sucky day I had that letter just made me die inside. Good things did happen today, but they seem meaningless to tell.

~Star

“Life’s a bitch, because if it was a slut it would be easy”

argentumstar @ 2006-01-25T19:01:00

2006-01-26T00:02:13Z

1..2..3.. Testing

~*Star*~